Can being selfish lead to being selfless?

In my first experiences of Yoga at the Sivananda Yoga ashram in southern India, there was a big focus on what is called Karma Yoga, or ‘selfless service’. We were given tasks around the ashram that would benefit others – cleaning, fixing, cooking – the idea being that we learned to be selfless.

In the many years since then, I have grappled with the painful truth that, despite my best efforts, I remain a very selfish human being. I wanted to give classes for free but realised I had needs and I wanted to be able to pay for my place in this world. I wanted to endlessly give of my time and attention, but had to face the truth that my energies are limited and I wanted to have some energy left for myself.

Then, I met my teacher, who taught a very simple extension of the concept of selflessness. He explained that we are indeed selfish, and that we should be honest about that reality, accept it within ourselves, and then see what happens.

This didn’t sit so well with me. I wanted to be the ego-ideal of selflessness – altruistic, giving, loving. How painful to be asked to embrace something I had been grappling to overcome for so long.

As I started to face the simple truth of my inherent selfishness, a new insight dawned. I realised that as I started to embrace my own wants (time, money, space) I became better able of serving others. More money enabled me to teach less, and therefore in a more concentrated and skilful way. More time meant I could write, reflect and explore ideas and concepts that help me to be a better teacher.  Both of these resources allow me to study more with my teachers and give a deeper teaching in my classes. Through being selfish, I was becoming selfless.

I have been teaching for many years, and I love it. It is to some degree what defines my sense of small self. As I embrace that, I see that it is an entirely selfish act; it makes me feel good about myself to see people coming to class and getting better physically, mentally and emotionally. More and more I feel myself surrounded by love and gratitude, and it feeds that sense of self-fulfilment that we all have a need for.

So, perhaps it is impossible to honour your desire to be selfless without also honouring your need to be selfish. Now that I have really got in touch with my heart’s desire, and allowed and welcomed all aspects of that desire, I see that I am better able to serve others.

What if you are reading this and thinking But I don’t want to serve other people, I just want to be rich and sit around and do nothing! Try it. See where it takes you. I would say that all of your desires, if you act on them, will either lead to disappointment and therefore fulfilment (you won’t want that thing anymore), or they will take you towards your greatest gifts and talents. Either way, you can’t loose.

So, what to do?  Take time to reflect on what it is you long for. What it is you desire more than anything else in this life. Try not to shy away from your own authenticity and needs. If you can meet that deepest desire, meet you own truth, I guarantee you it will be about loving, serving and helping yourself, and that that will in turn serve others. What could be better than that?

do-be-do-be-dooooo

It sounds like a little ditty you might hum under your breath, right? Just a harmless little tune. Maybe you're humming it whilst walking up the path to your front door, knowing you're about to see your sweetheart or your children, or you're whistling under your breath as you walk into a favourite bar to meet good friends after a long, hard week.

But, what is doing, and what is being? How does one tell the difference between the two? And what on earth do they mean?

As we get into this phantasmagorical world of nothingness and stillness that Yoga practice offers us, it's imperative that we understand a few things, and define a few things. It's all about the things.

Yoga practice is all about doing. We could say that yoga practice puts us in control of ourselves; body, mind and spirit. These incredible teachings that stretch back into ancient history help us move towards a final goal of liberation from all of our suffering. First we must take command of our bodies with postures, control our desires through the social and personal restraints called the yamas and niyamas, and then control our breath, our senses and ultimately, our mind thus taming our humanness into utter perfection and complete stillness and presence.

Have you ever met a perfect person? I'm not sure I have. I've met some pretty amazing teachers over the years and some people that have a certain something, a certain je ne sais quoi about them; a presence if you like. And in that way they are perfect. But a perfect person? Person implies an identity, an ego, and where there's an ego, there's defences. And where there's defences there's resistance. And where there is resistance there is suffering. So perfecting one's self is a path and a goal; for some people it works out very nicely thank you very much. But I don't think I will ever be perfect in an ego sense of the word, and I'm not sure I want to be.

And that's the real kicker, isn't it? We want to be perfect, good, loved and loving. But something keeps getting in the way. Perhaps it’s being human (which you can do nothing about). You're possibly already thinking 'If I could just reach to these heady goals, if I could just perfect myself then everything will be ok'. Be careful, this could be a trap. At a certain point, all of this attainment stuff gets in the way. Or at least, it did for me.

At some point on the path of Yoga, there's the potential to wander off the path completely, into something so wild and free it'll blow your mind. All you need is the right moment, a good guide and the willingness to let go. You could be enlightened by lunchtime. Think how much that could lighten your schedule. It's worth the time.

What am I talking about? I'm taking about 'being'. Have you ever wandered off of a path into the trees on a sunny day, lay down on your back and looked up at the blue sky? Have you ever sat in nature and been absorbed by its beauty? A sunset? The sea? Have you ever been captivated by beautiful music where, for a moment, there is nothing but the sound? This is what I'm pointing to when I talk of being. The funny thing is, on the surface, fleetingly, it's such a simple experience that we can all have it. We might even be looking for something more profound or obvious but really, those moments when we feel at ease, when our worries are far from our mind, when we feel content and we are enjoying the present moment; these are times of ‘Being’. Simple. Easy. No special measures needed. No standing on your head for 13 hours straight. No endless sun salutations or strain in your lower back.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love how wonderfully present Hatha Yoga can make me feel. I practice it every day and have done for years. For me it has been a lifeline and an essential part of my daily experience. It's a beautiful thing. But where does it end?

Let's think for a moment about our culture. You've been brought up in a society that is largely morally based and success is measured by achievement. Put in plain English, many of us have a good sense of wanting to be 'good' (whatever that is) and wanting to be successful. No wonder Hatha Yoga has such appeal. We get to do all of our striving and achieving and get some stillness at the end of it. Or at least reduced stress levels and an energised body. But when does it stop? What are the limits? When does all of this just take you away from enjoying the moment?

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

What is the ‘wisdom to know the difference’ in the serenity prayer? For me, and in the context of this dialogue, it’s about becoming more and more accepting. Being wise is welcoming life, just as it is, and welcoming yourself, just as you are. Being wise is learning to ‘be’. Simple.

The Power Of Intention

As a New Year arrives, we may well find ourselves, either consciously or unconsciously, setting intentions that help us map out our plans for the year. At this time of Year, I see many new or returning faces to my Yoga classes; people who have found motivation from the excesses of the holiday season and have new and strong determination to be fitter, healthier and look after themselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually in the New Year. Great.

Is it? The problem that I see, year in year out, is that by Valentines Day (at best) some of those faces stop appearing in classes and I am left with those that managed to work through this pattern years ago, and just keep coming to class (good for them!). Whilst this initially strong determination gives the practitioner of Yoga something called Tapas, or ‘a burning desire’, the fires soon dwindle. Why? Well, there are always multiple factors to consider but some of the time, new regimes of health and fitness are just that, regimes.

2011 wasn’t a good year for regimes. I’m guessing the same for 2012. Nobody likes a dictator.

It’s important to remember that our aim and goal in Yoga practice is to find peace and equanimity, always. Wars don’t create peace. Self-love, kindness and self-acceptance must swoop in to temper these moments of tapas, lest the fire will surely be blown out.

For me, if I make intentions that are realistic and heartfelt (not head driven) I have a nice time on my Mat, and I keep getting it out. If I use my intentions as a stick to beat myself, I generally give up, feel discouraged and unmotivated.

So, as you set your New Years intentions, remember, don't leave me lonely on Valentines day!

Stay well and happy

James